Iesus Non Amat Me

New year, new theme! Christmas may be over but it's still winter so this snowman theme is totally appropriate.

This year has been all right so far. I gave blood a couple of weeks ago and it all went smoothly, so that was good. Work has been a little rougher with various people falling ill. And because one of my colleagues has just tested positive for Covid I now have to do Lateral Flow tests every day for a week. Such fun!

My friends and I have got into Wordle and we compare our results every day over WhatsApp, which I'm really enjoying. I'm currently stuck in a 4/6 rut though and it's getting a bit ridiculous now! My aim for the year is to score 2/6. Or even the hallowed 1/6, although that is more a case of really, really good luck more than anything else!

Speaking of aims for the year, it's time to look back at my New Year's Goals for 2021 and see how I fared:

1. Walk more. (I'm never going to like formal exercise, but I do enjoy walking around places. Especially if it's a good place for photography. Hopefully it won't be long before I can travel again too.) I would call this one a success. Now we have Tormund walks are a regular thing and I'm definitely doing a lot more exercise than I had been! I've also been taking photographs, although mostly of the same woods. I had hoped that I'd be able to venture a bit further afield, but that's a separate issue to the specific goal of walking more.

2. Post all of my 2019 365 photos before the end of 2021. (I'm not giving up on this just because it's two years ago now.) Fail. I did make a bit of progress in choosing what photos I plan to post but then... never got round to doing it.

3. Get back into reading books and finish all the ones I've got on the go right now. (I do love fics and I'm not going to stop reading them, but I should try and branch out a little. Get a bit more variety in my reading habits.) Yeah, well, ahem. So, I did read a bit more of the books I've got on the go but I didn't end up finishing any of them. So, also fail.

4. Post the fanfictions that I'm currently working on Oh, god, total fail. I want to. I really do. But I'm so worried that they're shit. And as much as I tell myself that you have to start somewhere and improve from there, my anxiety hates the idea of posting something bad.

Right, well, to misquote Meat Loaf (RIP), one out of four ain't bad.

So, what are my goals for this year going to be?

1. Post more of my 2019 photos. It doesn't have to be all of them, just make some progress. Any progress. Please.

2. Finish the damn books you're currently reading. Yes, including that one you haven't looked at since 2018. You can remember the plot, right?

3. POST YOUR FIC. It has been literal years. Just post it and stop worrying that everyone is judging you.

4. Score 2/6 on Wordle.

And there you have it. Will I actually accomplish any of these things this year? Only time will tell!

Day one of our Festive Weekend found us at Incognito Kingston where we had absolutely insane cocktails. Paul’s first one was served in a diver’s helmet. I loved it!

The end of the evening was more traditional and I finished with a mulled wine. I’m so happy we can do this again!

On Saturday I travelled on a train for the first time in about 16 months! I also met up with friends, again for the first time in about 16 months. And I'd say it was the first time I've gone anywhere for fun in that time too. I have had hair cuts and did some Christmas shopping in town last year, but I wouldn't really classify those things as "fun" in the same way, so this was rather exciting!

It was great to see people again. I do worry that I was awkward and weird and probably annoyed them, but then I always think that. Paul and I went for drinks on Sunday too. It wasn't as strange or restrictive as I thought it might have been and I now think that it probably won't be too long before the country gets back to normal once the pandemic is over.

I did mention possibly taking a short trip somewhere later this year, just for a few days, cos neither of us are really prepared for anything more than that. I'm not sure how enthusiastic he was though. Maybe it's best to leave even that much for next year. I just don't want our trips to become a thing of the past. I know he has a lot more going on in his life now and our holidays can't be exactly the same as they used to be, but I still want to go places with my best friend. But sometimes it feels like everything I suggest is a burden to him and I don't know if that's because he doesn't want to go and is just being too polite to tell me or if it's my own anxiety making up problems that don't exist.

But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Boris has just announced that restrictions are going to be kept for another month so it's probably not the best time to be planning anything anyway.

My Christmassy weekend started with us going to Canterbury. It's been years since I've been there, I think the last time I visited was not long after I graduated. It's always weird going back to a place you used to know so well but haven't been to in ages, everything was so familiar but different at the same time.

As well as looking around the city centre and the (slightly disappointing) Christmas Market there, we ventured up to my old alma mater to say hello. That was where the weird feeling was strongest cos there are so many new buildings and extensions that the place in my memories doesn't really exist any more.

But one thing that I'm happy to say does still exist is the Keynes duck pond:



Good old ducks.

( More Christmassy Fun and Photos Under the Cut )

As someone who was around in the UK in the 90s I of course watched and loved The Crystal Maze and often wished that I could go on myself. Well, on Saturday that wish was granted as my pub quiz team and I went into London to go to The Crystal Maze Live Experience. I was so nervous going into it cos I feared I was going to do absolutely terribly and make a huge fool of myself and have an awful time. Fortunately that did not happen.

It was just like I imagined going on the TV show would be. The four zones were all there; Medieval, Futuristic, Industrial, and Aztec and we got to play four games in each one. As there were seven of us in the group most of us only got to play two games each. I took on a Mystery in the Medieval zone, which I was very happy about cos the Medieval zone was always my favourite and the game itself was one where you had to solve a series of clues which I loved doing, and I won the crystal. The second game I played was a Skill game in the Aztec zone. This involved playing shuffleboard against the Aztec God. If I had any idea about shuffleboard I might have done better, but as it was I lost 3-2 so did not get a second crystal.

Overall our team won seven crystals, but we had to hand two back over the course of the maze cos two of the guys got locked in. We immediately bought them out both times cos we're nice like that. (Interestingly enough it was the captain and the vice-captain who got locked in so I wonder what would have happened if we'd decided to leave them both. Anarchy I suppose.)

The dome itself was probably the only disappointing part. The fans weren't great so the tokens weren't really flying around, they were all concentrated in one small area. And the whole thing was almost like an afterthought. Probably because there weren't any actual prizes to be won, so it didn't matter how many tokens we got. (Which is a good thing cos we did pretty badly, getting something like 68 or so...)

Of course I had to buy a crystal from the gift shop and I plan to proudly display it cos even though I may have never been on the TV show, I still have a crystal that I got from being in The Crystal Maze and I think that's pretty cool.

Ok, so I know I still need to make posts about my Canada trip, and I will, but this weekend I went up to London for a few fun-filled days of Fireworks, History and Magic and I think I should post about that while it's still recent. As is usual for me I took a ridiculous number of pictures so I'm going to split this into two entries.

Entry the first - Fireworks and History...

( Fireworks )

And now, on to the History...

( Hampton Court )

It was my Mum's birthday a couple of weeks ago and knowing how much she likes puzzles I decided to give her a bit of a challenge in order to get to her presents:



She had to put together four jigsaws, solve the picture riddles that were on those jigsaws, and use the resulting code to open the lock on the bag containing her presents. I think she enjoyed it.

~*~

Last weekend I went to Emma's house for the next stage of our Marvel Movie Marathon. We watched Guardians of the Galaxy and Avengers: Age of Ultron while gorging on obscene amounts of chocolate and pizza. And one of the best things about going to Emma's house is that I get to see her cats. Gizzy is a bit shy and didn't come to see us much, but Moose curled up in her chair and joined us for most of the evening, which was adorable. And so, naturally, I had to take loads of pictures:

( Kitty )

So cute!

~*~

Earlier today Mum and I went for a walk around Frensham Pond for our first trip there without Tilly. It felt strange not having her with us but I think it's good to still go for walks, and I wanted to take my new camera on an outing. The LCD screen is really bad in bright sunshine so I had to rely on the viewfinder, and I do miss the long zoom my compact camera had, but overall I'm still really pleased with the A6000:

( Great Pond )

Normally that heather would be a beautiful purple colour, but the recent heatwave has clearly taken its toll.

Seven years ago I made my Ships of the Noughties list. Recently it was suggested to me by dustinw5220 that I make a similar list for the nineties. I decided to expand on that a bit to include a whole century rather than just a decade because why not? As usual I found it difficult to decide which ships to include, so before we reach the main event I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge some of my favourite couples who didn't quite make the cut:

( Honourable Mentions )

I've also decided not to double up, so Mulder/Scully, Xena/Gabrielle, Tom/B'Elanna, Harm/Mac, Willow/Tara, Piper/Leo, John/Aeryn, and Charlie/Zoey are not featured in this list because I already included them in my Ships of the Noughties.

And now, without further ado, I present to you...




( Twentieth Century Ships )

There you go. I hope you enjoyed my Twentieth Century Ships and please feel free to leave a comment letting me know what you think!

I went up to London at the weekend for mine and Paul's annual Christmas shopping trip. I think I might be getting a bit old for it though. Maybe next year I should do all my shopping online and we can just spend three days drinking mulled wine and eating gingerbread. Although if we do that then we do miss out on finding cool little shops and craft markets, which would be a shame.

On Saturday we went down to Brighton to have a look at what was there. The seafront was very bracing (read: windy) but I still loved it. And we found a lovely little craft market in a seafront tavern where I picked up a few things including some cute little Star Wars decorations which are now adorning my tree.

I didn't end up buying as much as I have in previous years, which is good. Still felt quite loaded down by the end of the weekend though!

In other news, my ear is bothering me again. I managed to go quite a long time without any issues, but it's now swollen and painful. I'm just taking ibuprofen and hoping it sorts itself out soon. Really hoping before Christmas and preferably before Friday evening when I have my work Christmas meal. I'm bad enough at socialising as it is without adding not being able to hear well into the mix!

Mum and I went blood doning today. I wasn't able to donate cos my haemoglobin levels were too low, so Mum made up for it by donating too much. We both got handy leaflets to take home with us. It was funny cos before we went we were joking that Tilly wanted me to stay home and Mum could just donate for both of us!

In my previous entry I promised a more in-depth post about the wedding, so here we go:

I'm still not sure why I was an anxious about going to this thing. I mean, yeah, I know I'm still not great with being sociable but I've made so much progress in the past 15 years. I wasn't expecting this to affect me so much, but I was shaking on the way down and on the verge of tears quite a few times. I texted Paul and made him meet up with me before we checked in so I didn't have to go in by myself. And then I felt guilty for being so clingy.

The hotel was nice, although I had an issue with my door not locking. Paul and I went to reception and they said they'd send someone up to check it. After the ceremony I decided to pop up and see if it was fixed, but it still opened without the keycard. So I went back down and they said they'd sent someone and he said it was fine. Clearly didn't do a very good job with that! The lady then moved me to another room, so I went and moved my stuff down while pictures were being taken. It wasn't a big deal, but I really didn't need another thing to worry about when I was already so anxious.

The ceremony was nice, although out of date. The officiant said that "The law of this country defines marriage as the union of one man and one woman" and I was sitting there thinking "Not any more!" The meal was good too. Because the wedding was superhero themed we all got characters on our placecards. I was Storm, although I was sat on the Spiderman table rather than the X-Men one. But that's ok. Beast and Gambit were also there with me.

The reception followed, which was where I struggled a lot. The music was so loud and overwhelming I again felt close to tears and just wanted to escape. But I stuck it out. What helped a lot was moving to a nearby room where we could still hear the music, but it was at a far more manageable level. I wish we'd thought to do that earlier, but people seemed to be having fun dancing. The groom's father made me get up and dance at one point, which I really wish I was able to enjoy but I just felt too uncomfortable and self conscious. I told myself that I'd dance again when they played my song request, but they never did.

The hotel was only a couple of miles from my house but I chose to stay over so I didn't have to worry about getting a taxi home, and I'm glad I did. It was one less thing to panic about, and it meant that I got to have breakfast with friends (including the bride and groom) the next day, which was nice.

So yeah, I'm trying to focus on the positives of the weekend (namely the fact that I went and stuck it out till the end and it was a lovely wedding) and not so much the negatives (how much I leaned on Paul for support the whole time and the fact that I was panicking about quite simple things in the first place.)

And despite the fact that it went mostly well, I still spent a lot of Sunday plagued with the idea that everyone I talked to or interacted with now thinks I'm a horrible person because of something I said or did or didn't say or didn't do. That was fun.