Iesus Non Amat Me

I think I made the right decision handing in my notice. I felt awful today, like I was completely worn out and I just wanted to collapse and cry. I made stupid mistakes, which made me feel even worse, and I felt completely hopeless. I think I'm burnt out, which also makes me feel guilty cos I know that other people are having a much harder time than I am and there's no reason I should be this way. But the fact is that the way things are is clearly not working for me and I need to make a change. I just hope it's a change for the better.

On a more upbeat note, I have been meaning to make a post about the games I've been playing for a while. So here it is:

Games:

Breath of the Wild

I'm trying to 100% this game before Tears of the Kingdom comes out in May. And by 100% I mean:

1. Complete All Quests (I know Defeat Ganon never marks as completed, but I've done it so I'm counting it.)
2. Find all Korok seeds
3. Complete the map to 100%
4. Complete the Hyrule Compendium
5. Get all monster medals from Kilton

I think this should be doable. I'm not going to worry about things like fully upgrading all the armour or cooking every possible meal. My main issue is going to be completing the Trial of the Sword side quest. I've attempted it a few times but never even finished the Beginning Trials.

Resident Evil 4 Remake

The remake came out a couple of weeks ago, which I was very excited about cos I remember loving the original RE4. I'm slowly making my way through it. I tried to do it on Standard difficulty but kept dying in the same place and the game was like "Hey, you suck at this. Why not go down to Assisted?" so I did and had a much better time. I do plan to try Standard again though cos while I am enjoying Assisted, there are some parts that I know should be more challenging than they are.

I think a big part of the problem is that the Switch and the PS5 have completely different controls so when I first started playing I kept getting confused about which button I was supposed to be pressing cos I was so used to playing BOTW. It only gets worse during fights when I need to do things quickly! But I think I'm getting used to it so I should be better next time around.

Disney Dreamlight Valley

I started playing this game last year and loved it. I have slowed down recently cos I'd done pretty much everything and was just going around collecting stuff for the sake of it, which got a bit boring, but a new update has just been released so I'm looking forward to getting back to the Valley and meeting Simba and Nala. I'm not going to rush back though. I don't want to do it all too quickly!

It's snowing! The buses weren't running this morning so I couldn't get to work, which I feel really guilty about even though I know I shouldn't. Hopefully they were all right without me.

I've been very bad about posting my Italy photos, so I'll try and get some of those done now. Hopefully I'll finish them all before I forget too much about the trip!



( Part 2: Mt Vesuvius, Herculaneum and Naples )

I have changed my Halloween theme to an autumnal theme. Soon it will be time for the Christmas one, but not quite yet. We're allowed to wear Christmas stuff at work now, but I think I'm going to wait until December. That feels like the right time.

Speaking of Christmas, I'm making good progress with the festive fare. So far I've had a Gingerbread Latte (Costa), an Eggnog Latte (Starbucks), a hot Pigs Under Blankets roll (Starbucks), a Brie and Cranberry sandwich (Sainsbury's), a Brie and Cranberry sandwich (Tesco), a Festive Cheeseboard sandwich (Morrisons), a Festive Ploughman's sandwich (Sainsbury's), Yule Log Dogs (Sainsbury's), Gingerbread Blondie Pies (Sainsbury's), and plenty of roasted chestnuts.

Work continues to be stressful and I desperately want to leave. I feel so unhappy at the moment but I must admit that I'm worried about what I would do instead if I did quit. I'm not sure I can stay there much longer though.

To end this entry on a brighter note, here are some pics I took while walking Tormund at the weekend. Lots of pretty autumnal colours and mist:

( Walking in the Woods )

I went with the vampire cat design again. The pumpkin was a lot smaller this year, but I was able to scale the design down. I was originally going to carve the bottom lines as well but I'd put the guide dots a bit too close to the top lines so I didn't want to risk it. And I thought it actually looked pretty good with just the top lines done.



The dots look pretty neat anyway!

We watched the Strictly Halloween special with some fizz, which was very nice:



I like how it looks like my pumpkin is sneaking up on my drink here...

Also, I dressed up with my Halloween dress, bat headband and Elphaba necklace, because dressing up is fun:



That was Saturday. Today I was at work until 5, but I wore my Halloween cardigan and a witch's hat headband. Only one other person dressed up, and I was asked about it a couple of times by people who'd apparently forgotten what today is!



And not long after I got home the doorbell rang and we actually had some Trick or Treaters for the first time in years! Good thing I'd bought some sweets just in case!

Happy Friday, everyone! It's an especially good Friday for me cos I have next week off work, and looking at the upcoming weather I feel like I have made a good choice here. While on one hand it might have been nice to go to work cos the place actually has air conditioning, I think on balance I'm really looking forward to being able to get up in the morning and know that I have absolutely nothing I have to do that day. Especially if it's after a particularly bad night where sleep is almost impossible!

Monday is due to be the hottest day, with temperatures of 37C forecast for us here. It's also my mum's birthday and so far the plan to celebrate is to stay inside with the curtains closed and not do anything. A wise choice!

In other news, we are once again doing a family predictions game for the Euros. I wasn't able to find another chocolate football as the prize, so I've gone for a whopping 750g Toblerone bar. It's pretty big!

( Behold, the Bar! )

It may not be a football, but I feel like it's something that's different enough to be special, plus it kinda fits the theme cos it's Swiss and Switzerland are one of the teams playing. I was half tempted to go for a 4.5kg bar, but I couldn't really justify spending that much!

And speaking of buying things, we decided we needed to replace our Alexa cos it had been playing up. Rather than go for a boring normal one I bought the Kids Echo with a tiger face. It's ridiculously cute. I just disabled the Kids subscription in the app and it works just like a normal Alexa.

( Tiger Echo )

I suppose I should also talk about the political situation in the country since it is a bit of a clusterfuck at the moment. Boris is such a cockroach I do wonder if he'll ever actually leave. I can just imagine him barricading himself in Number 10, throwing a tantrum cos he's the prime minister dammit, and refusing to accept whoever the new leader is. Which won't be my local MP cos he was knocked out surprisingly early.

I survived eight hours of retail on Christmas Eve and rewarded myself with The Muppet Christmas Carol when I got home! Happy Christmas Eve, everyone!

Work was pretty hectic today, mainly due to the giant delivery of over a thousand items with only two of us to put it all away. I ended up doing most of it cos my colleague had another problem to deal with. On the bright side, it did mean the day went by pretty quickly. Getting home was fun too cos for some reason the bus company decided that a small bus would be a good idea for one of the busiest times of day so it was a bit of a crush (social distancing very much Not A Thing any more!)

I'm glad I'm not in tomorrow. This week and next I have a very weird schedule made up of a mixture of shifts and holiday. I'd originally booked this week off months ago then tried to change it to next week so I'd be home for the boiler being replaced, but couldn't get it completely changed. So I have two half and half weeks instead. It actually works out pretty well cos this way I have more time this week to clear the areas the engineer is going to need access to.

Happy official first day of autumn! I've chosen to celebrate this day by changing my theme to something appropriately pretty and autumnal.

I'm also choosing to be positive, which was difficult to do earlier cos work was unpleasant and stressful and all I wanted to do was pack it all in and go live in a cottage by the sea. A cottage by the sea with excellent internet and TV signal of course.

It felt quite autumnal when I got up this morning, by which I mean it was misty and chilly. I took Tormund for a walk after work and it had warmed up a lot. Some of the leaves are showing signs of turning but most of them are still very green. I suppose it is still early days so I can't expect too much yet! I look forward to seeing them change as the season goes on though.

My two staples of autumnal TV, Strictly and Bake Off, have both started again now. I don't know who I'm supporting in either show yet, but I'm sure it won't be long before I find some favourites to latch on to. As well as Oti, of course, who I will always love.

Speaking of TV, I've been too busy recently to watch the latest episodes of Lower Decks so I have about four of them to catch up on. That's quite nice, actually, cos it means I have a good amount to enjoy. Something I noticed when I was watching the first season was how great it was having new episodes to look forward to. As much as I like the comforting familiarity of re-watching things I've seen before, I have missed the excitement of not knowing what's going to happen next and the anticipation of finding out.

Taskmaster starts tomorrow, which is something else I'm looking forward to. I also have the book Bring Me the Head of the Taskmaster, which contains clues to solve to locate a replica Taskmaster head. I probably won't be the one to find it, but I still want to try. I've got 26/100 just on my first quick readthrough, so hopefully I'll be able to solve a few more when I have the chance to sit down and work at it properly.

I got these lovely flowers from work as a thank you for pretty much running the place for most of this week, which was very nice. It always feels good to know that what you do is appreciated. But I'm also very glad that it's Friday and my work week is over. Very much looking forward to a relaxing weekend!

And to keep everyone updated on the family football sweepstakes - It all comes down to me vs my brother. Meg has been knocked out. I will not be playing myself. The stakes are higher than ever. One of us will emerge victorious and claim the Coveted Chocolate Football. The other will fall at the last hurdle and wail in despair. Who will it be? Only time and some men kicking a ball around will tell.

Well, so far the first day of 2021 is going pretty well. Work was fairly quiet with no problems or horrible customers. Possibly because most people assume we'll be closed New Year's Day. Which, to be honest, I think we could be. It would make us all a lot happier too.

This is the point where I look back at the resolutions specific goals I made for myself this time last year and have to admit that I have failed every single one of them in every single way.

1. Find a form of exercise that I don't hate. I'm sorry, I just hate exercise. I could say I was hampered by the gyms having to close, but if I'm honest with myself I'd have been too scared to go anyway.

2. Post all of my 2019 365 photos before the end of 2020. Did I post a single 365 photo last year? No. No, I did not. I don't know why I keep procrastinating this so much. Possibly because most days I took quite a few pics and I'll have to choose which ones to use and, as we all know, I am forever paralysed by indecision.

3. Finish reading all the books I've got on the go right now (Furiously Happy, Wild Magic, The President is Missing, A Dance With Dragons: Dreams and Dust) before the end of 2020. I did not finish a single one of those books. But I did read bucketloads of fanfic. Of which I also have multiple stories on the go at any one time cos I keep starting a new one before I've finished the old.

4. Post the fanfiction that I'm currently working on. It is still not posted. It is also still not finished and, as with everything else on this list, I have made little to no progress on it in the last twelve months. I did start writing three other fics though, which is not at all helpful for this particular goal.

So there we have it. Total fail. I feel like I should be able to blame 2020 for this. Everything about that year was just crazy and I don't think it should count.

Actually, yeah, that's what I'm going to do. 2020 doesn't count and I'm trying again. Here are my New Year's Goals for 2021:

1. Walk more. (I'm never going to like formal exercise, but I do enjoy walking around places. Especially if it's a good place for photography. Hopefully it won't be long before I can travel again too.)

2. Post all of my 2019 365 photos before the end of 2021. (I'm not giving up on this just because it's two years ago now.)

3. Get back into reading books and finish all the ones I've got on the go right now. (I do love fics and I'm not going to stop reading them, but I should try and branch out a little. Get a bit more variety in my reading habits.)

4. Post the fanfictions that I'm currently working on. (Yes, all of them. Probably won't happen but I can try. I need to make myself sit down and actually focus on writing though, which has been difficult lately.)

So there we have it. My goals for this year. Hopefully I will do a better job of achieving them this time around!