Iesus Non Amat Me

I went to the dentist yesterday and he said lots of nice things which included the words "excellent" and "perfect", so that made me feel pretty good about myself and my dental care abilities. The journey up wasn't much fun though, as my first bus was very late and I was stressing about missing my connection, but fortunately I'm the kind of overthinker who builds a huge cushion of time into her plans so I did manage to make it in time. Just.

Today represents another personal victory as I have finally convinced myself that I do not need all that stuff I brought back from my holidays. You may remember back in January I managed to get rid of the two box files of stuff from Canada. Well, I have loads of bags of similar stuff from various other places I have been to. And every time I try to get rid of them I seem to have some sort of block that doesn't let me do it. But today I finally managed to power through that block and accept that there is no point keeping all these things that I've not looked at in years and most likely never will again. What's the point of keeping receipts from that time I went to The Cheesecake Factory in San Francisco in 2011? There isn't one. So out it goes. Part of me wishes I could just throw all the bags straight in the bin but I'm not doing that for two reasons: One, I want to be good and separate rubbish and recycling. And two, I want to make sure I'm not getting rid of anything important. Being the ridiculous hoarder I am/was I kept absolutely everything together, so while I'm happy to get rid of receipts and leaflets and the like, I don't want to lose important things like the photo of me on top of Sydney Harbour Bridge. Or souvenirs I bought and for some reason just left in the bag to be shut away for years.

In related news, have you ever wondered what happens to chocolate after 14 years? Cos I can show you:

( Behold! The Ancient One! )

I'm pretty sure this was an accident. Even at my worst I wouldn't have deliberately packed away a chocolate bar like that. I would have eaten it and saved the wrapper.

And while we're on the subject of decluttering, I've also sent another parcel to VCC full of old stuff that was probably important to my grandparents but isn't to me. Hopefully I'll get some money from that but even if I don't at least the stuff is out of the house.

The skip is gone and the charity donations have been collected. I'm pleased with how much I was able to get out of the house, but I do feel a bit depressed when I look around and everything still looks really cluttered. But I am keeping at it. The Tech Recycle people should be coming on Monday to pick up my small electricals, which keep increasing in number as I find more and more things hidden around the place!

In a personal victory, I finally got rid of the two box files of stuff I brought back from Canada. I've always been a collector and a hoarder and I kept absolutely everything from that trip. Receipts, leaflets, business cards, bottle labels, plastic bags, napkins, you name it. I think I originally had an idea to make a scrapbook of it all, but obviously didn't do that, so I just kept everything like I would someday want to look back at it again. I feel at this point I should emphasise that this trip to Canada I'm referring to is not the one I went on in 2018. It's the one I went on in 2006. So these boxes have sat upstairs taking up space for nearly 20 years because I thought I might someday want to look back at them. And a few days ago I looked back at them and threw almost everything away. I did keep some bits cos it is nice to have a few souvenirs, but the majority is gone. A small part of me is worried I made the wrong choice cos I must admit that I did like looking at things and remembering the places I went to, but on the other hand I must acknowledge that doing so did make me rather sad cos I kept thinking about how much I loved that trip and how much it hurts that I'll never go on one like that again. It made me want to return to that time and the simple basic fact is that I can't. All I can do is remember it fondly and move forward. I have to learn to live in the present and not be held back by the past, and that's one of the hardest lessons that I'm learning from this decluttering journey.

In other news, it's Burns Night and I am enjoying a wee dram of whisky. It's the 30 Year Old Scotch that my brother got me for my 30th birthday, which anyone who saw my most recent birthday post will realise makes it over ten years old. So this is also decluttering, really. I just have to resist the urge to keep the pretty box once I've finished the bottle.

We're also having vegetarian haggis for dinner. I'm still not brave enough to try real haggis, but I've had the vegetarian version before and it was delicious so I'm looking forward to this.

I'm trying to improve on yesterday. I've arranged for a sack of stuff to be collected on Thursday by a charity that takes donations and electrical recycling. It's not a huge amount of stuff, but it's progress.

I'm still looking at houses too. What I think are my priorities keep changing though. I had thought I wouldn't consider anything other than detached, but I've found a semi-detached that looks pretty good. It's also in a place that I'd previously dismissed cos there's not a huge amount to do there and you can't get pizza delivered. But realistically how often do we get pizza delivered? And there's a train station so I could always go to the nearby town if I want stuff to do. Ideally I wanted a lot of stuff in walking distance, but I have to accept that that's out of our price range. Unless I win Euromillions tonight, of course...

As I think everyone knows by now, England did not win the World Cup. This means that Meg is once again the family sweepstakes winner and will take home the chocolate golf footballs. That's twice in a row now. I'm starting to suspect she's rigging the whole thing, although I'm not quite sure how since I'm the one running it all...

Speaking of things I'm doing, I'm once again trying to declutter my wardrobe. As usual I have started full of good intentions that will probably not last long, but I've made up a pretty good bag of donations already and next I'm planning to go through other areas and be harsh with myself. I have to admit that a lot of my clothes aren't comfortable any more cos I have put weight on and it seems silly to keep them around on the off-chance that I lose it again. I can always buy new clothes if that happens! (And this is where I admit that the impetus for this clear out is the fact that I'm really tempted to buy a new autumn wardrobe anyway. I've been hit by a sudden craving for fair isle jumpers!)

I've also applied to renew my passport. It doesn't expire until January but it's now more than ten years old which means a lot of countries won't let me in with it. I went to a proper photo booth to have my picture taken cos they say that's more likely to be accepted than one done at home. The booth said it passed their checks but when I tried to apply with it it was immediately rejected as being unsuitable cos I was too close to the camera. So that's a bit annoying and a waste of money. I then spent ages wandering around the house trying to find somewhere with a plain background and light that didn't cast a shadow over half my face so I could take one myself. My first submission, taken by someone else, was called poor and likely to be rejected. My second, that I took myself, was was called good, so I used that one and now have to hope that whoever it is who does the actual passports agrees that it's all right. I look like a convict in it, but I think that's part of the requirement for being an acceptable passport photo so will hopefully work in my favour.

Happy New Year! I hope everyone is having a good 2023 so far! As we are in a new year it's time for me to look back at my resolutions from last January and see how much of a failure I am:

1. Post more of my 2019 photos. It doesn't have to be all of them, just make some progress. Any progress. Please. I think I made some progress choosing photos, but I don't think I posted any more and frankly it's getting a bit ridiculous now!

2. Finish the damn books you're currently reading. Yes, including that one you haven't looked at since 2018. You can remember the plot, right? I finished one of them! And then started the next one in the series rather than finishing any of the others. So... partial credit?

3. POST YOUR FIC. It has been literal years. Just post it and stop worrying that everyone is judging you. Epic Fail.

4. Score 2/6 on Wordle. Success! I think I got my first 2/6 only a few days after posting this. And according to my stats I've scored 2/6 fifteen times. That's pretty good!

So, varying levels of accomplishment there. And now onto the resolutions for this year:

1. Post more 2019 photos. I'm not allowing myself to give up on this, even if it takes a decade.

2. Finish at least one book. (Keeping the bar low here, I know.)

3. POST YOUR FIC. Also, start reviewing other people's fics. Be more involved in the fandom and stop being a creepy lurker.

4. Score 1/6 on Wordle. I know this is more luck than skill, but I still want it to happen.

5. Get your eyes tested. Stop putting it off cos you're anxious about the appointment.

6. Declutter more. Do a bit every week and get into the habit of regularly clearing things out (thinking about my handbag stuffed with old shopping lists and bus tickets!)

I don't think any of that is unreasonable. I just need to motivate myself to actually do the things and then continue to do them once I've started. Procrastination is my closest friend and my worst enemy.

Happy First Day of Autumn! And Happy Strictly Launch Day! I'm celebrating by drinking champagne and eating raspberries. I also changed my bedding yesterday and now have the pretty forest duvet cover, which feels very autumnal. This is my season and I'm going to make the most of it! And I still plan to eat and drink as much as I can. I did try Starbucks's Salted Maple and Caramel Latte the other day and must admit that I wasn't overly impressed, but there are still many more autumnal options out there just waiting to be savoured!

I did watch the funeral on Monday. All the way from start to finish, although I wasn't glued to the TV the whole time. As interested as I am in all the pageantry there's only so long I can watch a coffin being pulled up a really long drive!

I've been enjoying playing through Return to Monkey Island. I was feeling proud about the fact that I hadn't really got stuck at any point, but I think I have to admit that I am now. It's particularly annoying cos it's not that I need to solve a puzzle or find an item, it's that I literally don't know what I'm supposed to do next. I mean, I know Iron Rose has the final key that I need but I have no idea where she is or how to get to her. I did trigger a cut scene where some of LeChuck's crew said they were going to travel to Melee Island, but they haven't turned up. So now I'm just aimlessly wandering around looking for something I've missed, which is rather frustrating.

In decluttering news, I got rid of a load of my old university notes today. That probably doesn't sound like much, but I'm feeling really good about myself for finally doing it. Despite graduating 16 years ago and not even glancing at my notes once since then I kept holding on to them thinking that I'd want them for some reason in the future. Finally admitting that I won't and there's no point in clinging to the past feels really freeing. I hope I can keep it up with other things too.

The heavy rain of the past two nights mocked my feeble attempts to patch up the conservatory roof and water is still getting in. I suppose I can console myself with the fact that it is significantly less water than it would have been had I not done anything, but I'm still disappointed. I see that rain isn't forecast for the next few days, so I might have to venture up the ladder once more when everything has dried out and try again.

I made more progress decluttering. I managed to throw away things that I'd been holding on to for ages for sentimental reasons by asking myself if I'd bother to bring them with me if I moved house. The answer was no, so why am I keeping them in this house? I did keep a picture of Dad from a work event though. I should probably throw it cos I have no idea who the men with him are, but now that he's gone I'm constantly aware that there are a finite number of pictures of him in existence.

In more uplifting news, I got a Switch. A free Switch, as I like to tell everyone, cos I had enough Nectar points to cover the cost. I've been collecting points for many years now and they were building up so high I thought I should probably use them. I really liked the idea of spending them on something specific (and fun) rather than just putting them towards normal shopping, and thus, free Switch! Now I just need to find the time to play it. My friend gave me Breath of the Wild as a belated birthday present and I'm enjoying it so far but I've only played it once!

I did find time to watch the most recent episodes of Lower Decks, which I am still absolutely loving. Especially the latest episode with all the simulations, which was pretty much one giant basket of Easter eggs (although do they still count as Easter eggs when they're so overt?) I've also now started Ted Lasso, which is great. I did not expect Rebecca to be so mean though! Clearly all those gifs and posts on Tumblr misled me.

And apparently certificates and pin badges are the in thing right about now cos hot on the heels of the ones I got for blood doning I've now received ones from Mensa for being a member for 20 years. Which is funny, cos it'll actually be 25 years in December so this must be a new thing they've suddenly introduced. Probably as a way to keep people from leaving.

Yes, this is another post about decluttering. Probably of interest to absolutely no one but myself but this is my journal and I want to keep writing about it so I can see what progress I'm making and keep myself accountable. Otherwise I feel like I could easily slide back into not bothering any more. Clutter blindness is a real problem!

I tried selling some books on Ziffit but it was just too much hassle, especially when they didn't want about 80% of them, so I found a book donation point instead. I took four boxes of books there the other day, which was good. I like it too cos it says that anything they can't sell they recycle, so I don't have to worry about the condition of the books either. I did end up keeping more than I probably should have, which felt like a bit of a failure, but I have such fond memories of reading those Horrible Histories books that I didn't feel I could get rid of them.

I've also cleared out some stuff from under my bed, including a basket of stuff that must have been there for years. I feel pleased about that, but of course it doesn't look like much of an accomplishment cos this stuff was all hidden away anyway. I suppose I could use this newfound space for other things that I want to keep, but then I run into the danger of forgetting about them too. Maybe it would be a good place for schoolwork.

Schoolwork is something that has been giving me a lot of problems when it comes to decluttering. I found it easy to throw away my old college work cos I was depressed and struggling for pretty much my whole time at sixth form so I had absolutely no interest in looking back at anything that reminded me of those days. But schoolwork is a different matter and brings back different memories. Part of me thinks I should just get rid of it cos it's completely useless and just taking up space, but it's also irreplaceable. I've managed to make myself get rid of a lot of things that I don't really need by reminding myself that I can always just buy it again if it turns out that I made a mistake, but that's not the case here. Once that schoolwork is gone then it's gone forever. So I'm finding this quite difficult.

I took more clothes to the donation bin, although again not as many as I would have liked, but it's another step in the right direction. And I've bagged up quite a lot of small electricals to take next time.

I also gave my shower head and grouting a proper clean. That's not really related to decluttering but I still consider it an accomplishment. And now my bathroom smells of vinegar.

Happy Year of the Ox everyone! It's my mum's year! We were talking about the Chinese zodiac at work on Friday and I discovered that my colleague is a pig like me so I looked up what characteristic we're supposed to have. Apparently I seek out social situations whenever possible and will stay up all night cleaning a messy room cos I'm so organised. You know, I'm getting the feeling that it's almost like astrology might not be entirely accurate...

Speaking of organisation (or lack thereof), I am continuing on with my decluttering mission. At the moment I'm trying to empty out cupboards and drawers of stuff that's been sitting in them untouched for literally decades. Then I'll have space to put away the things I actually use that have been cluttering up other areas of the house. I am slightly worried that by putting the new things away I'm condemning them to the same fate of being forgotten for years though. I have a real problem with object permanence and once something is put away I often forget it exists. So my plan is to try and put absolutely everything away so I have to go and get things when I need them. My hope is that, by doing this, I'll keep the items and their locations alive in my mind and will be much more efficient with my use of space and storage. Of course once this is done I'm going to have to keep on top of it and be careful not to leave things out cos I know myself, I'll just end up using those things again and again and forget everything else.

Having said all this, I'm almost doing the opposite with some items. Often when I get given something as a present or bring it back from holiday I'll think it's too nice to use and should be saved for a special occasion, so I'll put it away to keep it safe. But that's stupid cos then I end up forgetting about them and never using them and they goes to waste. I don't want to re-clutter the place with these things, but I do want to put them in locations where they I know where they are so they can be seen and used, rather than shoved in a box at the back of a cupboard doing nothing.

I have far too many cupboards full of stuff that's doing nothing.

One area I'm really struggling with is my clothes. The logical part of my brain says I should just clear out my wardrobe of all those goth-y clothes I haven't worn in ten years and probably never will again, but they're just so pretty. I also have other things that I haven't worn in so long but every time I go to get rid of them I start thinking that I might want them in the future. I have finally made myself throw away things from my childhood that would obviously never fit me again but I kept cos of pointless sentimentality, so that's progress at least.

Other examples of progress include getting rid of boxes that I've held onto for years for no good reason and throwing away my soap collection. When I was a kid I collected different shaped soaps and I kept feeling like I couldn't get rid of them cos they'd been so important to me in the past. But they were just old soaps covered in dust taking up space that I could use for other things, so in the bin they went. (I did consider using them as actual soaps so they'd at least be useful, but they were really old.)