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BiCon 2010
Aug. 31st, 2010 07:26 pmI figure I should write this while it's still fresh in my mind. Sorry if it's a bit long and rambling!
( BiCon! )
( BiCon! )
Tags:
Various Things
Jul. 22nd, 2010 07:51 pmYesterday was fun. It was good to see the Wednesday crew again, although I was disturbed to discover that there are still people out there who have not seen the awesomeness that is the Old Spice guy. So if you're reading this and you haven't seen the adverts, go Google them now. It's ok, I'll wait. And once you've done that you have to go to his YouTube playlist and watch his responses to people on Twitter...
*Monocle Smile!*
If you understand the above reference we can continue...
In a sharp downturn of mood, yesterday night was not so good. Zack hadn't come in for a while and I couldn't sleep because I was so worried about him. He appeared at 2:30, which made me feel a lot better, but I still wasn't able to get to sleep until past 5.
That meant that I was pretty tired at work today. I also had to stay late for a meeting about the new catalogue. Fun! But I did win a bar of chocolate for getting a perfect score on the mystery shopper criteria, which just proves that I am a profoundly sad individual. A profoundly sad individual with chocolate, though.
In other news, I am running out of time to register for BiCon. I keep doubting myself because of the whole shyness thing and not having any idea where I'm going. Pride was daunting enough and I'm pretty familiar with that area of London. I know nothing about UEL or how to get there or what to do once I arrive. (Yeah, for all my talk about not letting anxiety rule my life any more, I'm not doing a very good job of it. I suppose it's definitely easier said than done.)
*Monocle Smile!*
If you understand the above reference we can continue...
In a sharp downturn of mood, yesterday night was not so good. Zack hadn't come in for a while and I couldn't sleep because I was so worried about him. He appeared at 2:30, which made me feel a lot better, but I still wasn't able to get to sleep until past 5.
That meant that I was pretty tired at work today. I also had to stay late for a meeting about the new catalogue. Fun! But I did win a bar of chocolate for getting a perfect score on the mystery shopper criteria, which just proves that I am a profoundly sad individual. A profoundly sad individual with chocolate, though.
In other news, I am running out of time to register for BiCon. I keep doubting myself because of the whole shyness thing and not having any idea where I'm going. Pride was daunting enough and I'm pretty familiar with that area of London. I know nothing about UEL or how to get there or what to do once I arrive. (Yeah, for all my talk about not letting anxiety rule my life any more, I'm not doing a very good job of it. I suppose it's definitely easier said than done.)
I went to Pride in London yesterday.
I'm actually very proud of myself for going, and not in the obvious way. I very nearly gave into my usual anxiety and worries and stayed at home yet again. I didn't have anyone to go with and although I had found the details of the bi group online, I still didn't know if I'd have the courage to actually go up and ask to join them.
But I did, because if you don't ask you'll never know and I'm tired of missing out on so much due to social anxiety. So I got to join their group. It soon became clear, however, that they all already knew each other very well and I felt like a bit of an unwelcome intruder! But I got a sparkly purple hat to wear and a purple umbrella to hold and not knowing anyone around you doesn't matter too much when you're walking through the streets of London with thousands of people cheering at the sides!
And that's another thing - if you had told shy, self-conscious me of old that I would ever do something like that I would have laughed in your face.
Once the march had finished the group headed to the pub for a drink. Once again everyone started talking to the people they already knew and I nearly made my exit at this point, resigned to being the weirdo who invaded their group then disappeared with no word like a shadow in the night, but I'm really glad I didn't because through the magic of waiting forever to be served I met some really lovely people. We sat outside, chatted, then went to look at the stalls in Leicester Square and collect stickers!
Unfortunately I had to leave quite early due to transportation issues and getting back in time for a family barbecue but I hope to see people again soon at BiCon.
Yes, apparently I have to go to BiCon. Pretty much every time I met someone new that was one of the first thing they said to me. The other thing lots of them said was that they thought they already knew me from somewhere. Clearly my evil twin has been busy.
I'm actually very proud of myself for going, and not in the obvious way. I very nearly gave into my usual anxiety and worries and stayed at home yet again. I didn't have anyone to go with and although I had found the details of the bi group online, I still didn't know if I'd have the courage to actually go up and ask to join them.
But I did, because if you don't ask you'll never know and I'm tired of missing out on so much due to social anxiety. So I got to join their group. It soon became clear, however, that they all already knew each other very well and I felt like a bit of an unwelcome intruder! But I got a sparkly purple hat to wear and a purple umbrella to hold and not knowing anyone around you doesn't matter too much when you're walking through the streets of London with thousands of people cheering at the sides!
And that's another thing - if you had told shy, self-conscious me of old that I would ever do something like that I would have laughed in your face.
Once the march had finished the group headed to the pub for a drink. Once again everyone started talking to the people they already knew and I nearly made my exit at this point, resigned to being the weirdo who invaded their group then disappeared with no word like a shadow in the night, but I'm really glad I didn't because through the magic of waiting forever to be served I met some really lovely people. We sat outside, chatted, then went to look at the stalls in Leicester Square and collect stickers!
Unfortunately I had to leave quite early due to transportation issues and getting back in time for a family barbecue but I hope to see people again soon at BiCon.
Yes, apparently I have to go to BiCon. Pretty much every time I met someone new that was one of the first thing they said to me. The other thing lots of them said was that they thought they already knew me from somewhere. Clearly my evil twin has been busy.
Hey everyone. Thanks for the replies to my last entry. I'm feeling better now. A lot of that is due to last night when I spent a wonderful evening with Blue, Dwarfy and Paul. As well as having a great time, it also made me realise how far I've actually come. There I was, sitting at a table with three other people, one of whom I'd barely met before, chatting and laughing and having fun. A few years ago in that situation I would have been anxious and nervous and too scared to say anything. I'd have been sitting there silently, desperately wanting to get away and then later would have berated myself for being so pathetic and stupid and wasting such a perfect opportunity to have a social life.
I also got the train by myself, ordered my own drinks and walked with my head up rather than staring at my feet. All of which are great achievements from how I used to be.
And I'm getting out more. As well as last night, I'm giving blood this evening and going to Paul's to bake on Sunday. That's three trips out of the house this week!
Speaking of Paul's, I'm not sure I'll be able to get my files off my Apple laptop even with his computer because I'm not sure there are any ports to do it with. It doesn't have a firewire port because it pre-dates the creation of firewire. It does have a plug-in floppy drive, which is the best option. Unfortunately I cannot find it.
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Despite the upbeat nature of this post and recent events, I do find my optimism wavering just a bit with the two more library rejection letters I received today. One doesn't bother me too much, but the other was the Oxford OULS placement - The one I really wanted. So I'm kinda sad about that.
I also got the train by myself, ordered my own drinks and walked with my head up rather than staring at my feet. All of which are great achievements from how I used to be.
And I'm getting out more. As well as last night, I'm giving blood this evening and going to Paul's to bake on Sunday. That's three trips out of the house this week!
Speaking of Paul's, I'm not sure I'll be able to get my files off my Apple laptop even with his computer because I'm not sure there are any ports to do it with. It doesn't have a firewire port because it pre-dates the creation of firewire. It does have a plug-in floppy drive, which is the best option. Unfortunately I cannot find it.
------
Despite the upbeat nature of this post and recent events, I do find my optimism wavering just a bit with the two more library rejection letters I received today. One doesn't bother me too much, but the other was the Oxford OULS placement - The one I really wanted. So I'm kinda sad about that.
Still Here. Still Whining.
Mar. 28th, 2007 02:59 amI haven't been posting here for a while because for the last week I have been feeling like I was about to break down and/or blow up. Which seems to be a common theme on my friends list as well, so I don't know if it's something about the time of year or some kind of infection passing through the internet that's spreading through LJ land like wildfire.
I still don't feel great. I haven't heard back from any libraries and while I desperately want a job I'm still terrified by the idea of getting one. I know I've been getting better with my confidence but the very thought of going to an interview still makes me feel sick. I have no idea how I'm going to do it. I just keep telling myself that I don't have a choice but I don't know if that's going to be enough when it comes down to it.
If it comes down to it, I should say. After all I've not exactly had much success so far. I've extended my field of search and have applied to my local library on a non-CILIP post as well as all the year-long ones I've been going for.
It looks like I may have to extend the search even further to non-library posts, but there's so little I see myself being able to do. And the crippling shyness is a hindrance to pretty much everything.
I hate this. I hate being so useless and I really hate that I'm 23 and not really living. I leave the house about once a week and that's a big improvement on how it used to be not so long ago when I could go weeks without venturing beyond the front steps. I have no job, I have no life and I have very little hope for the future.
I still don't feel great. I haven't heard back from any libraries and while I desperately want a job I'm still terrified by the idea of getting one. I know I've been getting better with my confidence but the very thought of going to an interview still makes me feel sick. I have no idea how I'm going to do it. I just keep telling myself that I don't have a choice but I don't know if that's going to be enough when it comes down to it.
If it comes down to it, I should say. After all I've not exactly had much success so far. I've extended my field of search and have applied to my local library on a non-CILIP post as well as all the year-long ones I've been going for.
It looks like I may have to extend the search even further to non-library posts, but there's so little I see myself being able to do. And the crippling shyness is a hindrance to pretty much everything.
I hate this. I hate being so useless and I really hate that I'm 23 and not really living. I leave the house about once a week and that's a big improvement on how it used to be not so long ago when I could go weeks without venturing beyond the front steps. I have no job, I have no life and I have very little hope for the future.
Well, Cornelia lasted longer than Beany before giving up on me.
She is now going to see about referring me to secondary care if possible. But it might not be. In which case I'm screwed.
Woo! Isn't it fun being completely pathetic and useless!
She is now going to see about referring me to secondary care if possible. But it might not be. In which case I'm screwed.
Woo! Isn't it fun being completely pathetic and useless!
