Oscars 2023
Mar. 13th, 2023 12:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crystalcazzieI took today off work so I could watch the Oscars spoiler-free and bring you my Not-Quite-Liveblog:
It'sred champagne carpet time!
First a recap of all the films I haven't seen!
It's Bill Nighy! Hi, Bill!
Apparently people are singing Happy Birthday to someone. Is it my grandad? No, it's Angela Bassett's husband. They say she's the one to watch for Best Supporting Actress. I've not gone for her though.
Is that Emily Blunt in a sheet? I've made my opinion of sheet dresses well known.
The Rock in a pink tux is much better!
The presenter just got blanked by Idris Elba. Alas.
Nicole Kidman's dress is interesting. I think I like it?
Samuel L Jackson in silver suit.
Michelle Yeoh in a pretty, floaty dress.
Halle Berry in a very weird dress. Is she wearing underwear? Cos if not I think she just flashed the cameras.
Emily Blunt's talking to us now. I may not like her dress but I do like her earrings.
And now shunned by The Rock.
Michelle Williams. Not sure about your dress.
Who's that with her dress tied up? It looks ridiculous.
And someone else is fighting for the most ridiculous dress title. This black and white monstrosity is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. And she clearly can't walk in it!
Salma Hayek is very shiny.
Ooh, is that Pedro Pascal? Hey, Pedro!
Interviewers chatting about the champagne carpet and pointing out that it's rather dirty. But then they cut away to play someone else's interview with The Rock instead.
Oh, Jessie Buckley. What is that?
Ke Huy Quan rushing past everything to get inside. Is he late? Or does he just not like talking to people?
Jamie Lee Curtis looks like she's dressed to match the carpet in a sparkly champagne dress.
Lady Gaga's dress could be nice if it was solid black.
Brendan Gleeson has a sparkly bow tie.
Apparently there have been a couple of falls on the carpet. See, the champagne carpet is dangerous. Bring back the red!
That's what Baz Luhrmann looks like?
Pretty much everyone is inside now so they're recapping people who arrived earlier.
Cate Blanchett – yawn. I'm sure I've seen that dress before.
Apparently the organisers have brought in a crisis team and have been practising for scenarios to avoid another incident like the Will Smith slap last year. Lol.
And that's it for the Champagne Carpet. Time to switch over to the ceremony!
~*~
Are they going to pretend Jimmy Kimmel is parachuting in? You stole that from the London Olympics!
Well that was underwhelming.
I'm assuming these jokes are culturally specific cos I don't get them.
Ke Huy Quan is adorable and must be protected at all costs.
They say Rihanna is there, but they're not showing her. Is she really?
A whole bit devoted to joking about the slap last year. Probably better than ignoring it.
All categories are back in this year. This ceremony is going to be a long one!
I like the idea of dancing the winners off stage.
First award time, here are Emily Blunt and The Rock to present best Animated Feature. I've gone for Pinocchio cos I think it's the likely winner even though it looks very dull. My heart wanted to go for Turning Red though (which the RNG did.)
I was right to listen to my head. Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio gets the win.
Humans 1, RNG 0.
The Oscars has QR codes. Huh.
And it's adverts time. So once again no UK panel, that's such a shame.
They're doing the Best Picture nominees throughout the night again. First up – Avatar: The Way of Water. I've still never seen the original Avatar.
Wait, they're doing Supporting Actor and Supporting Actress together? That's weird when they're such big awards.
Supporting Actor – Emma and I think Ke Huy Quan. Paul thinks Barry Keoghan. RNG thinks Brendan Gleeson.
The reaction in the theatre when they read out his name makes me think Ke Huy Quan is going to take it.
And he does! Yay!
Points to the ladies.
Who's the lady leading him off stage? I like her dress.
Supporting Actress – We've all gone for different predictions here, so this will be interesting. It feels like a two horse race between Angela Bassett and Jamie Lee Curtis so I think either Emma or I will be getting a point here.
And the winner is... Jamie Lee Curtis. I take the lead!
Cara Delevigne is here to talk about women. Oh, no, to introduce the song Applause from Tell It Like a Woman.
While she's singing I'm going to get myself a drink. I like the idea of watching the Oscars with a glass of fizz, but it is 9am so I've bought myself a bottle of non-alcoholic prosecco. Let's see if it's any good!
Ok, it takes more like grape juice but it's not terrible. Makes a nice mimosa.
Back to the ceremony...
Time to talk about Tar. This feels very dramatic, maybe I should have gone for Cate as the best actress after all.
Next category is Documentary Feature. All four of us have gone for Navalny so it's an all or nothing category here.
It's all! Points all round!
And congratulations to the RNG for getting its first point of the night.
Best Live Action short. Again we've all gone for different predictions here. Who will get the point?
Paul does! An Irish Goodbye wins.
My first loss of the night. Alas.
And it's this guy's birthday as well. I wonder if that's what was going on on the carpet, not Angela Bassett's husband.
Wait, two people just started walking out on stage but they've gone to the Oscars title card. Has something happened? Is there a technical glitch? Have the crisis team had to be deployed?
Ok, so we've gone to adverts. But now we're back and it's still just the title card. What's going on?
Ok, back at the theatre now. Was that just a really long ad break in America? But then why were the people walking out?
Next Best Picture nominee to get shown is All Quiet on the Western Front. That was a bit short.
Time for Cinematography. The humans all think All Quiet. The machine thinks Empire of Light.
The humans get it.
Time for another song – This Is A Life.
This is weird.
Adverts again. I really think something went wrong earlier.
Next nominee for Best Picture is Women Talking.
Judging by the background I'm guessing Makeup is next.
Yep, Makeup and Hairstyling. Paul and I think Elvis. Emma and the RNG think Wakanda Forever.
But it goes to The Whale and no one gets any points.
Straight into adverts with no transition. Is there something on the American broadcast that we can't show here?
The Banshees of Inisherin is the next Best Picture nominee to be shown.
And now Jimmy Kimmel has a donkey. I hope that donkey's all right.
Costume Design. Three different guesses here – the RNG agrees with me on Elvis, Emma has gone for Wakanda Forever, and Paul says Babylon.
Emma wins it with Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.
Sounds like it's time for another song. It's described as a “global sensation”. I think it's going to be Naatu Naatu, which I'd never heard of until I was making my predictions and it was said to be the favourite.
Again with the weirdness. We went to adverts then it cut back to the Oscars halfway through an ad and seemed to be in the middle of a bit.
Eva Longoria and a woman in a cape dress are bigging up the Academy. I think cape woman might be the president of the Academy.
They say the Academy museum will transport and move you in ways that no museum has done before. Clearly someone has never been to the Icelandic Penis Museum.
Sparkly Salma is here with Antonio Banderas to present International Feature Film. This is a lock for All Quiet on the Western Front, isn't it?
Yes, yes it is. Points to all humans.
Next Best Picture nom is The Fabelmans. On paper this is pure Oscar fodder, but I don't think it's going to win.
It's Shorts time. Elizabeth Olsen and Pedro Pascal are here to present.
Documentary Short. I've gone for The Elephant Whisperers because it's called The Elephant Whisperers. Emma and the RNG have as well, but Paul thinks How Do You Measure a Year.
Should have gone with the elephants, Paul!
Oh dear, that's the second time someone has gone up to the mic to talk after the initial thank you speech but been played off with music.
Animated Short. As much as I wanted to go for My Year of Dicks I think The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse is the likely winner.
And it is. Points for everyone except the RNG, which went for The Flying Sailor.
Coming up to the halfway point and the scores are as follows:
Caroline: 8
Emma: 8
Paul: 6
RNG: 2
It's a close race! Well, not if you're the RNG of course.
Lady Gaga is about to sing Hold My Hand, which the RNG thinks will win Best Song. That doesn't bode well for you Lady Gaga.
Time for another Best Picture nominee. Triangle of Sadness, which has a fun title.
And now Hugh Grant and Andie MacDowell are here to re-enact Four Weddings and a Funeral. No, it's to celebrate the role of the production designer.
And the Oscar goes to All Quiet. Which means Emma has pulled ahead of me. Darn.
John Cho and Mindy Kaling are here for Best Original Score. This is one of the few remaining categories where Emma and I differ so it's an important one for our predictions
And the winner is... me! I mean, All Quiet on the Western Front.
Emma and I are once again tied.
Next Best Picture nom is Elvis.
And now it looks like it's Visual Effects time.
Elizabeth Banks! She's the one wearing the black and white monstrosity! It's so stupid she can't even walk in it.
She's also being upstaged by someone in a bear costume.
Time for the award. Avatar: The Way of Water seems like the clear winner here.
And it is. Points for Emma and me.
And yet again the music playing the second person off. Harsh.
Who's wearing that ridiculous white netting? I'd hate to be sat behind her!
I don't think Malala is very comfortable with this bit.
Danai Gurira is wearing a dress that would be prettier without the weird bit on top. Also not sure about her Marge Simpson hair.
Rihanna is here to sing Lift Me Up, which is Paul's prediction for Best Song.
And the next Best Picture nominee is Everything Everywhere All at Once, which most of us have predicted.
Jimmy Kimmel has changed into a white tux. This is a never ending thrill ride!
Florence Pugh and Andrew Garfield are here to hand out some writing awards.
No to the dress, Florence. Just no.
I like the way the screen is gradually revealed as they mention each film. Good camera-work there.
Original Screenplay – Everything Everywhere All at Once.
Adapted Screenplay – Women Talking
Two points for me and Emma. Nothing for Paul and the RNG.
Time for another Best Picture nominee. Top Gun: Maverick. I think it's pretty much guaranteed this won't win. Popular blockbusters never do.
I don't get the Robert Blake joke. I'll have to look it up later.
Janelle Monae and Kate Hudson are here to present Sound. Another important one where Emma and I differ.
And the Oscar goes to Top Gun: Maverick. Yes!
I take the lead!
And with that I can only win or tie. It all comes down to Best Actor. Either Emma will get it and we'll tie for first place, or I'll get it and win. Or neither of us will get it and I'll win.
Paul and the RNG are out. Neither can score enough to overtake me.
But enough about that, we still have plenty of awards to go:
Best Song goes to Naatu Naatu from RRR. Emma and I get points.
John Travolta is here. Is he going to introduce the In Memoriam since Olivia Newton-John will be in it?
Yes, he is.
Time to see how many people I've forgotten have died in this past year:
Oh, Louise Fletcher. And Kirstie Alley.
I remembered Robbie Coltrane.
Nichelle Nichols. Feels like she was longer ago.
Ah, Angela Lansbury. Raquel Welch.
And a QR code for the rest.
Ad break and we're back for Film Editing. This is another rare case where all four of us have gone for the same prediction so we're in an all or nothing game again:
It's another All! Everything Everywhere All at Once takes it!
We're heading for the big guns now. Idris Elba and Nicole Kidman are here to present Directing. Emma, Paul and I are in agreement that it's going to go to the two Daniels. The RNG is backing Ruben Ostlund.
And it goes to the Daniels for Everything Everywhere All at Once.
Jimmy Kimmel is back. Does he even really count as a host when he's barely here?
Jessica Chastain and Halle Berry are here to present the acting awards.
It's Best Actor time. This is it. Am I going to win or tie? It's such a close race between Austin Butler and Brendan Fraser that I can't call it.
Or maybe the RNG will be right with Bill Nighy? (Spoiler alert, the RNG is not going to be right with Bill Nighy...)
And the Oscar goes to...
Brendan Fraser.
Emma has caught up with me and we're going to tie for first place.
Also, George of the Jungle has an Oscar now and I love that.
Next is Best Actress. Emma, Paul and I have all gone for Michelle Yeoh. This is another one where I think it's a very close call. Either Michelle Yeoh or Cate Blanchett, but I hope it's Michelle.
And it is! Yay!
Did Janelle Monae just roll her eyes?
We're at the end now and Harrison Ford is here.
Ke Huy Quan is so excited! I love it!
Emma, Paul and I have all gone for Everything Everywhere All at Once for Best Picture while the RNG has gone for another likely contender All Quiet on the Western Front.
One person in the audience really likes Top Gun: Maverick!
And the Oscar goes to... Everything Everywhere All at Once!
Seeing Ke Huy Quan and Harrison Ford together is adorable!
And thus ends an Oscars ceremony without any serious incidents. Woot!
Final Scores:
Caroline: 18/23
Emma: 18/23
Paul: 12/23
RNG: 3/23
I'm very much looking forward to what Paul comes up with as an Everything Everywhere All At Once cocktail!
It's
First a recap of all the films I haven't seen!
It's Bill Nighy! Hi, Bill!
Apparently people are singing Happy Birthday to someone. Is it my grandad? No, it's Angela Bassett's husband. They say she's the one to watch for Best Supporting Actress. I've not gone for her though.
Is that Emily Blunt in a sheet? I've made my opinion of sheet dresses well known.
The Rock in a pink tux is much better!
The presenter just got blanked by Idris Elba. Alas.
Nicole Kidman's dress is interesting. I think I like it?
Samuel L Jackson in silver suit.
Michelle Yeoh in a pretty, floaty dress.
Halle Berry in a very weird dress. Is she wearing underwear? Cos if not I think she just flashed the cameras.
Emily Blunt's talking to us now. I may not like her dress but I do like her earrings.
And now shunned by The Rock.
Michelle Williams. Not sure about your dress.
Who's that with her dress tied up? It looks ridiculous.
And someone else is fighting for the most ridiculous dress title. This black and white monstrosity is one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. And she clearly can't walk in it!
Salma Hayek is very shiny.
Ooh, is that Pedro Pascal? Hey, Pedro!
Interviewers chatting about the champagne carpet and pointing out that it's rather dirty. But then they cut away to play someone else's interview with The Rock instead.
Oh, Jessie Buckley. What is that?
Ke Huy Quan rushing past everything to get inside. Is he late? Or does he just not like talking to people?
Jamie Lee Curtis looks like she's dressed to match the carpet in a sparkly champagne dress.
Lady Gaga's dress could be nice if it was solid black.
Brendan Gleeson has a sparkly bow tie.
Apparently there have been a couple of falls on the carpet. See, the champagne carpet is dangerous. Bring back the red!
That's what Baz Luhrmann looks like?
Pretty much everyone is inside now so they're recapping people who arrived earlier.
Cate Blanchett – yawn. I'm sure I've seen that dress before.
Apparently the organisers have brought in a crisis team and have been practising for scenarios to avoid another incident like the Will Smith slap last year. Lol.
And that's it for the Champagne Carpet. Time to switch over to the ceremony!
~*~
Are they going to pretend Jimmy Kimmel is parachuting in? You stole that from the London Olympics!
Well that was underwhelming.
I'm assuming these jokes are culturally specific cos I don't get them.
Ke Huy Quan is adorable and must be protected at all costs.
They say Rihanna is there, but they're not showing her. Is she really?
A whole bit devoted to joking about the slap last year. Probably better than ignoring it.
All categories are back in this year. This ceremony is going to be a long one!
I like the idea of dancing the winners off stage.
First award time, here are Emily Blunt and The Rock to present best Animated Feature. I've gone for Pinocchio cos I think it's the likely winner even though it looks very dull. My heart wanted to go for Turning Red though (which the RNG did.)
I was right to listen to my head. Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio gets the win.
Humans 1, RNG 0.
The Oscars has QR codes. Huh.
And it's adverts time. So once again no UK panel, that's such a shame.
They're doing the Best Picture nominees throughout the night again. First up – Avatar: The Way of Water. I've still never seen the original Avatar.
Wait, they're doing Supporting Actor and Supporting Actress together? That's weird when they're such big awards.
Supporting Actor – Emma and I think Ke Huy Quan. Paul thinks Barry Keoghan. RNG thinks Brendan Gleeson.
The reaction in the theatre when they read out his name makes me think Ke Huy Quan is going to take it.
And he does! Yay!
Points to the ladies.
Who's the lady leading him off stage? I like her dress.
Supporting Actress – We've all gone for different predictions here, so this will be interesting. It feels like a two horse race between Angela Bassett and Jamie Lee Curtis so I think either Emma or I will be getting a point here.
And the winner is... Jamie Lee Curtis. I take the lead!
Cara Delevigne is here to talk about women. Oh, no, to introduce the song Applause from Tell It Like a Woman.
While she's singing I'm going to get myself a drink. I like the idea of watching the Oscars with a glass of fizz, but it is 9am so I've bought myself a bottle of non-alcoholic prosecco. Let's see if it's any good!
Ok, it takes more like grape juice but it's not terrible. Makes a nice mimosa.
Back to the ceremony...
Time to talk about Tar. This feels very dramatic, maybe I should have gone for Cate as the best actress after all.
Next category is Documentary Feature. All four of us have gone for Navalny so it's an all or nothing category here.
It's all! Points all round!
And congratulations to the RNG for getting its first point of the night.
Best Live Action short. Again we've all gone for different predictions here. Who will get the point?
Paul does! An Irish Goodbye wins.
My first loss of the night. Alas.
And it's this guy's birthday as well. I wonder if that's what was going on on the carpet, not Angela Bassett's husband.
Wait, two people just started walking out on stage but they've gone to the Oscars title card. Has something happened? Is there a technical glitch? Have the crisis team had to be deployed?
Ok, so we've gone to adverts. But now we're back and it's still just the title card. What's going on?
Ok, back at the theatre now. Was that just a really long ad break in America? But then why were the people walking out?
Next Best Picture nominee to get shown is All Quiet on the Western Front. That was a bit short.
Time for Cinematography. The humans all think All Quiet. The machine thinks Empire of Light.
The humans get it.
Time for another song – This Is A Life.
This is weird.
Adverts again. I really think something went wrong earlier.
Next nominee for Best Picture is Women Talking.
Judging by the background I'm guessing Makeup is next.
Yep, Makeup and Hairstyling. Paul and I think Elvis. Emma and the RNG think Wakanda Forever.
But it goes to The Whale and no one gets any points.
Straight into adverts with no transition. Is there something on the American broadcast that we can't show here?
The Banshees of Inisherin is the next Best Picture nominee to be shown.
And now Jimmy Kimmel has a donkey. I hope that donkey's all right.
Costume Design. Three different guesses here – the RNG agrees with me on Elvis, Emma has gone for Wakanda Forever, and Paul says Babylon.
Emma wins it with Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.
Sounds like it's time for another song. It's described as a “global sensation”. I think it's going to be Naatu Naatu, which I'd never heard of until I was making my predictions and it was said to be the favourite.
Again with the weirdness. We went to adverts then it cut back to the Oscars halfway through an ad and seemed to be in the middle of a bit.
Eva Longoria and a woman in a cape dress are bigging up the Academy. I think cape woman might be the president of the Academy.
They say the Academy museum will transport and move you in ways that no museum has done before. Clearly someone has never been to the Icelandic Penis Museum.
Sparkly Salma is here with Antonio Banderas to present International Feature Film. This is a lock for All Quiet on the Western Front, isn't it?
Yes, yes it is. Points to all humans.
Next Best Picture nom is The Fabelmans. On paper this is pure Oscar fodder, but I don't think it's going to win.
It's Shorts time. Elizabeth Olsen and Pedro Pascal are here to present.
Documentary Short. I've gone for The Elephant Whisperers because it's called The Elephant Whisperers. Emma and the RNG have as well, but Paul thinks How Do You Measure a Year.
Should have gone with the elephants, Paul!
Oh dear, that's the second time someone has gone up to the mic to talk after the initial thank you speech but been played off with music.
Animated Short. As much as I wanted to go for My Year of Dicks I think The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse is the likely winner.
And it is. Points for everyone except the RNG, which went for The Flying Sailor.
Coming up to the halfway point and the scores are as follows:
Caroline: 8
Emma: 8
Paul: 6
RNG: 2
It's a close race! Well, not if you're the RNG of course.
Lady Gaga is about to sing Hold My Hand, which the RNG thinks will win Best Song. That doesn't bode well for you Lady Gaga.
Time for another Best Picture nominee. Triangle of Sadness, which has a fun title.
And now Hugh Grant and Andie MacDowell are here to re-enact Four Weddings and a Funeral. No, it's to celebrate the role of the production designer.
And the Oscar goes to All Quiet. Which means Emma has pulled ahead of me. Darn.
John Cho and Mindy Kaling are here for Best Original Score. This is one of the few remaining categories where Emma and I differ so it's an important one for our predictions
And the winner is... me! I mean, All Quiet on the Western Front.
Emma and I are once again tied.
Next Best Picture nom is Elvis.
And now it looks like it's Visual Effects time.
Elizabeth Banks! She's the one wearing the black and white monstrosity! It's so stupid she can't even walk in it.
She's also being upstaged by someone in a bear costume.
Time for the award. Avatar: The Way of Water seems like the clear winner here.
And it is. Points for Emma and me.
And yet again the music playing the second person off. Harsh.
Who's wearing that ridiculous white netting? I'd hate to be sat behind her!
I don't think Malala is very comfortable with this bit.
Danai Gurira is wearing a dress that would be prettier without the weird bit on top. Also not sure about her Marge Simpson hair.
Rihanna is here to sing Lift Me Up, which is Paul's prediction for Best Song.
And the next Best Picture nominee is Everything Everywhere All at Once, which most of us have predicted.
Jimmy Kimmel has changed into a white tux. This is a never ending thrill ride!
Florence Pugh and Andrew Garfield are here to hand out some writing awards.
No to the dress, Florence. Just no.
I like the way the screen is gradually revealed as they mention each film. Good camera-work there.
Original Screenplay – Everything Everywhere All at Once.
Adapted Screenplay – Women Talking
Two points for me and Emma. Nothing for Paul and the RNG.
Time for another Best Picture nominee. Top Gun: Maverick. I think it's pretty much guaranteed this won't win. Popular blockbusters never do.
I don't get the Robert Blake joke. I'll have to look it up later.
Janelle Monae and Kate Hudson are here to present Sound. Another important one where Emma and I differ.
And the Oscar goes to Top Gun: Maverick. Yes!
I take the lead!
And with that I can only win or tie. It all comes down to Best Actor. Either Emma will get it and we'll tie for first place, or I'll get it and win. Or neither of us will get it and I'll win.
Paul and the RNG are out. Neither can score enough to overtake me.
But enough about that, we still have plenty of awards to go:
Best Song goes to Naatu Naatu from RRR. Emma and I get points.
John Travolta is here. Is he going to introduce the In Memoriam since Olivia Newton-John will be in it?
Yes, he is.
Time to see how many people I've forgotten have died in this past year:
Oh, Louise Fletcher. And Kirstie Alley.
I remembered Robbie Coltrane.
Nichelle Nichols. Feels like she was longer ago.
Ah, Angela Lansbury. Raquel Welch.
And a QR code for the rest.
Ad break and we're back for Film Editing. This is another rare case where all four of us have gone for the same prediction so we're in an all or nothing game again:
It's another All! Everything Everywhere All at Once takes it!
We're heading for the big guns now. Idris Elba and Nicole Kidman are here to present Directing. Emma, Paul and I are in agreement that it's going to go to the two Daniels. The RNG is backing Ruben Ostlund.
And it goes to the Daniels for Everything Everywhere All at Once.
Jimmy Kimmel is back. Does he even really count as a host when he's barely here?
Jessica Chastain and Halle Berry are here to present the acting awards.
It's Best Actor time. This is it. Am I going to win or tie? It's such a close race between Austin Butler and Brendan Fraser that I can't call it.
Or maybe the RNG will be right with Bill Nighy? (Spoiler alert, the RNG is not going to be right with Bill Nighy...)
And the Oscar goes to...
Brendan Fraser.
Emma has caught up with me and we're going to tie for first place.
Also, George of the Jungle has an Oscar now and I love that.
Next is Best Actress. Emma, Paul and I have all gone for Michelle Yeoh. This is another one where I think it's a very close call. Either Michelle Yeoh or Cate Blanchett, but I hope it's Michelle.
And it is! Yay!
Did Janelle Monae just roll her eyes?
We're at the end now and Harrison Ford is here.
Ke Huy Quan is so excited! I love it!
Emma, Paul and I have all gone for Everything Everywhere All at Once for Best Picture while the RNG has gone for another likely contender All Quiet on the Western Front.
One person in the audience really likes Top Gun: Maverick!
And the Oscar goes to... Everything Everywhere All at Once!
Seeing Ke Huy Quan and Harrison Ford together is adorable!
And thus ends an Oscars ceremony without any serious incidents. Woot!
Final Scores:
Caroline: 18/23
Emma: 18/23
Paul: 12/23
RNG: 3/23
I'm very much looking forward to what Paul comes up with as an Everything Everywhere All At Once cocktail!
