(no subject)

[crystalcazzie]

Dad died on the 19th. He made it almost two months longer than the doctor thought he would. And he was at home the whole time, which is what he wanted. I suppose I should be grateful for that but I mostly just want to scream at the universe for how cruel and unfair it is.

Comments

[anarchist-nomad.livejournal.com]

Psssst -- I put something for you in my journal. It won't make anything better or fix anything... but maybe it can break through the awful for just a few minutes.

*hugs* (if you want them)

[crystalcazzie.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *hugs* I shall go and check it out.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, bb. Be as kind as you can to yourself right now, because the grief of losing a parent is something no one can prepare you for. I'm here if you need to talk.

[crystalcazzie.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I really do appreciate that.

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

I mean it. It's very lonely losing a parent when you're as young as we are, since most people still have theirs at this age, so just remember that you're not alone.

[crystalcazzie.livejournal.com]

That is good to know. Thank you. (And yeah, it's really not fair losing a parent this young. I find myself feeling irrationally resentful of people my age or older who still have two healthy, living parents. I know it's not fair and I don't really resent them, but the stab of feeling is still there. A bit like when I see an elderly man and I can't help thinking 'why do you get to grow old and my dad doesn't?')

[rachg82.livejournal.com]

I feel jealous & sad whenever I'm faced with people whose parents are still alive, so I get it. And I often feel sad & bitter when I see elderly women, because it's just this big reminder that my mom will never live to see old age. And she didn't want to anyway, but that's not the point.