Pre-Oscars and Red Carpet

So we have Alex Zane as the host of our bit again. And with him we have the reviews editor of Heat magazine Boyd Hilton, fashionista Antonia O'Brien, and actor Colin Salmon. And Lucy Cotter on the red carpet as usual. I wonder if she'll actually talk to anyone this year.

The men do not like Les Miserables. What.

Oh hey, Kristin Chenoweth. Does this mean that once again Lucy Cotter isn't actually talking to anyone on the red carpet? Yes, I think that's exactly what it means.

Jessica Chastain is looking rather pretty.

Amanda Seyfried is also looking very pretty, although she's apparently on the verge of losing her internal organs. Good to know.

Jennifer Lawrence is a giant. A gorgeous giant. Although I'm not a huge fan of that style of dress.

Zoe Saldana is looking lovely. I'm not sure about her dress either though.

Catherine Zeta-Jones is very shiny.

Hey, Daniel Radcliffe.

That's a very metallic dress Naomi Watts.

Nicole Kidman is a stick. I think I want to hate that dress but it actually works on her. Weird.

That is not a dress, Charlize Theron, and I do not approve of it.

Red Carpet part II

Yay, Hugh Jackman! You can't juggle Kristin, Hugh. Put her down.

Aw, DanRad you seem nervous. Poor baby.

Jennifer Aniston looking lovely in red. I spy Adele behind her.

I love the colour of your dress Jennifer Garner, but I do not love the style. It does not look good.

Halle Berry looks like she belongs in the 90s. That is a very stripy metallic dress there.

Adele is very sparkly. And I love how she's just loudly babbling away!

George Clooney is going to be drinking. I'm with you, George.

Speaking of which, this is the trouble with the Oscars. It's sponsored by Moet et Chandon so every time there's an advert break it makes me want champagne.

Finally a proper look at Amy Adams's dress. I really like it.

Anne Hathaway. Oh dear. I love you Anne and I want you to win but I hate that dress. It's terrible.

Jamie Foxx's daughter is gorgeous. And I love her dress. I want it.

Back in the studio they're talking about best dressed. Colin says Charlize Theron. I disagree. Antonia says Amanda Seyfried or Jennifer Garner. I vehemently disagree about Jennifer. Amanda looked pretty good though. And Boyd says Jennifer Lawrence or Adele. Hmm.

Ceremony pt I

Aaaaand here we go. Seth MacFarlane seems an odd choice but we shall see. Is he going to do a musical number?

Ok, good joke about Argo there. Poor Ben Affleck.

Is that guy wearing a banana pin?

Hey, Captain Kirk. Of course. This makes perfect sense. And yes, Seth is going to do a musical number. About boobs. I'm not quite sure what I'm watching here.

Another musical number already? Neat. I do love how this has become a thing with the Oscars now.

And now I don't need to see Flight. The real thing couldn't possibly be as good as the sockpuppet version.

More singing and dancing. When Daniel Radcliffe said he would be performing later this is not what I expected.

I'm actually really liking this whole Captain Kirk skit.

And now they're all singing an Oscar version of Be Our Guest. I... I think I love it.

Ok, well done Seth MacFarlane. You have won me over.

And now we're on to the actual awards. Best Supporting Actor is first. And the winner is... Christoph Waltz. This is good for me since I am now one up on both Paul and the Random Number Generator. Hopefully I can continue this success!

Oh my god, Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy just get on with it. You're not funny and this is painful. It's Best Animated Short. Paperman won and I am continuing with my success.

And straight on to Best Animated Film. It went to Brave. I'm actually shocked even though I predicted it!

Can we stop the Oscars now? I like this 100% success rate I'm currently on!

They're now introducing some of the Best Picture nominees. Les Mis is first and oh I love it so much.

Back to the awards now:

Cinematography: Life of Pi. That's 4/4 for me. This is going to hurt so much more when I get one wrong!

Visual Effects: Life of Pi. Ah well, my winning streak couldn't last forever. Congratulations to both Paul and the Random Number Generator for their first points!

Are... are they being played off by the Jaws theme?

Ceremony pt II

I really do like Jennifer Aniston's red dress.

Costume Design: Anna Karenina. And I'm back on form. Along with the Random Number Generator.

Makeup and Hairstyling: Les Miserables. I want this film to win everything cos I love hearing the music play. Also more points for me in the predictions game!

I'm going to slap you Seth MacFarlane.

And now we're celebrating 50 years of James Bond. I actually watched Skyfall for the first time yesterday. Shirley Bassey is singing Goldfinger and all I can hear in my head is Homer Simpson singing Max Power.

Jamie Foxx's bowtie is glittery. I love it.

Short Film: Curfew. A point for Paul.

Documentary Short: Innocente. Another point for Paul.

More Best Picture introductions. I've not seen any of these three.

Documentary Film: Searching for Sugar Man. You're really good at these categories, Paul!

Hey, Jennifer Garner's presenting an award. I still hate your dress, Jen.

Foreign Language Film: Amour. Not a huge surprise. Congratulations Random Number Generator.

And now John Travolta's here. Are we going to have another musical number? Yes. Yes we are. Actually no, it's not 'a' musical number. It's a celebration of musicals! Catherine Zeta-Jones doing All That Jazz from Chicago. Jennifer Hudson doing And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going from Dreamgirls. Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, Amanda Seyfried, Eddie Redmayne, Samantha Barks, Aaron Tevit, Russel Crowe, Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen doing a medley of songs from Les Miserables. This is so perfect I could cry.

Back in the studio Boyd says this is a really good evening if you like musicals. I love musicals. And they all agree that Anne Hathaway is going to walk away with the Oscar. "Let's all go watch Anne Hathaway win an award." Lol, best segue ever.

But first we have...

Sound Mixing: Les Miserables. Point to me.

Sound Editing: Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall. I don't think I've ever seen a tie before. And I'm amused that even with two winners, Paul and I still both didn't get any points. The Random Number Generator got one though.

Lol, Sound of Music reference. Brilliant.

Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway. She just hugged Hugh Jackman and he looks so happy for her I think my heart exploded!

Points all round there, except for the Random Number Generator who foolishly went for Sally Field in that category. Tut.

Ceremony pt III

Something just happened. I'm not sure what. But now Sandra Bullock is here to talk about her contact lens so we're back on track.

Film Editing: Argo. Points for Paul and the Random Number Generator.

Adele is singing. She's so good.

Colin Salmon says he likes Adele because "no vocal gymnastics, just a beautiful voice." YES. I hate vocal gymnastics so much.

And now we have Nicole Kidman introducing the final three Best Picture nominees. I've not seen any of these either, but I really do want to see Silver Linings Playbook.

Daniel Radcliffe and Kristen Stewart have just come out. I think Kristen is either drunk or stoned. Possibly both.

Production Design: Lincoln. No points for anyone here.

Hey George Clooney. I know someone on Tumblr who'll be going crazy right about now. Oh, he's doing the In Memoriam section. Time to be sad.

Huh. I was expecting more.

Yay, Chicago cast! It's been ten years since that won? Seriously? Actually yeah, that sounds right. I would have been at uni. I feel old.

Original Score: Life of Pi. Well done, Paul.

Original Song: Skyfall. Excellent speech, Adele! And points all round, including for the Random Number Generator this time.

Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron are here to present some writing awards. I wish they'd be a bit quicker about it, I'm really flagging here.

Adapted Screenplay: Argo. No points for us.

Original Screenplay: Django Unchained. Paul is rapidly catching up with me.

Everyone in the studio thinks Ang Lee is going to win best director.

Best Director: Ang Lee, Life of Pi. Congratulations studio.

You keep making jokes about this show being long but you don't do anything about it Seth MacFarlane why do you taunt me in this way I just want to go to bed oh god I need sleep but I've made it this far and I'm going to see it through to the end dammit despite what it's doing to my sanity and my use of punctuation.

Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence. I'm so happy. I love you, Jennifer Lawrence!

They're going through the Best Actor nominees and Hugh Jackman just waved at the camera and I love him so much.

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis. I love how Meryl Streep read that. Not even the slightest pause, just "and the Oscar goes to Daniel Day-Lewis."

Oh just get on with it and present the award. Oh, Michelle Obama is going to present it is she? No, she's introducing it. Oh god, this is going to take forever. And now she's presenting it.

Best Picture: Argo.

Does this mean I can sleep now? Oh thank god. I shall be back tomorrow, or later today rather, to add up the scores but at first glance I think Paul has won by one point, which pisses me off so much after I started so well!

Goodnight!